How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize