Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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