idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
