The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
