i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
