Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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