He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We smell like vodka and hangover
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