She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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