I love black thongs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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