i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am naked and annoyed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
