is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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