I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My cat gives me a boner
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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