We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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