The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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