she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You took a bar mat shot.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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