i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
