You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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