so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize