how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
