Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
