I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
