It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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