i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
