I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
