I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize