wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
