like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
