I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
