he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize