That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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