hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Randomize
