And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
