Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
