I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
