6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
