he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
