this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
