you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize