I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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