just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
