last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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