just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
