yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
