Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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