All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
