he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
