What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
