I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm like, not good at living.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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