She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
