I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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