Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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