I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
