as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
