just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
