I met the friendliest cop last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
