You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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