I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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