Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
