i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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