i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
