I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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