no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
