I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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