but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
