but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
