Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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