During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
