i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
