Cold hands, warm shart.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
