So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
