I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
