I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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