dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
